Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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