i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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