Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
