God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
