There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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