I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
