the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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