its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
