yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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