So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
