Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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