at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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