Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
