Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
