Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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