The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm too high and old for this...
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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