Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
