Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
