I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
