Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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