i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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