Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
