your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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