if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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