I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
