So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
