Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize