No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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