He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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