Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize