grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
