thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
