Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
