Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
