I met the friendliest cop last night
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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