He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
