Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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