Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
