I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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