i just wanna soil my oats bro
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
