I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
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