belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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