I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
