the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
