Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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