I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
