seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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