the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
