You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
