We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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