you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
