Dude my mom stole all your condoms
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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