I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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