Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
His hands were made for my vagina.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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