maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I need a beard to bite.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
