Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
