if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I licked your asshole in confidence.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
