I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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