I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
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