my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize
