Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
