Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
