Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
either way he was missing a nipple.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
My bed smells like the plague
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
