Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
