Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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