She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
