So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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