I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize