Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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