she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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